Heaven.

28th April 11.45pm

That was the day granny (my mom's mom) passed away.

Here are my memories of my dearest Grandmother.

My fondest memories of my grandmother are the days where I used to go to my Uncle Peter's house every Saturday. Those were the days before 2000. Uncle Peter was still living in the Bukit Panjang flat with 2 storeys. I remembered the times she cooked for us. Her famous Tau you Bak and black sauce Chicken. Her aromatic Curry. She was a true Nonya. I remember the times she asked me to Pom Pom, which means bathe.

On the weeks we did not visit her, she would come over to my house. For every week she did not see us, she would give each of us 1 dollar. 1 Dollar at that time may not seem like much, but it made up my entire Piggy Bank's savings. I loved hearing her stories. They always intrigued me.

Even up till now, I'm amazed at how my grandmother could bring up so many grandchildren. She took care of each of her 14 grandchildren. She cared deeply for each one of us. Not to mention, she also cared for all her 7 children. Even in her old age, she could still have the patience to spend hours trying to feed us our meals while we ran all over the house. We all did. My cousins and I were all runners.

My Grandmother was also a woman with great faith. She was an active member of my church. She was always friendly and enjoyed talking to church members. She would always pray for us whenever we fell sick or had problems.

Even after Granny had a stroke which paralysed the right side of her body, she still remained optimistic. She did not see her disability as a disadvantage. Yet she protrayed great confidence. She still loved dressing up and making sure she looked her best everyday. She would still gel her hair and comb it making sure it was desirable. She would put lipstick and powder her face. She would dress up for the occasion as well. She always gave her best pose when taking photographs. Even though she couldn't speak or smile, we knew she was always happy to see us. She would always extend her hand to shake ours.

That was my grandma :)

Crossroads.

At some point in time, we have to make decisions. Huge decisions that will pave our way for years to come. It'll mark a turning point in our lives. Mine is now, or rather soon.

Here are some decisions that I have to make:

Number one, should I extend my ORD by another 6 months? There are many things for me to consider. Firstly, I have 8 months to spare. I definitely can afford to extend by 6 months. Next, my superiors do strongly encourage me to extend. One of the reasons is that my understudy will only come in late December and I ORD in November, thus I will be unable to hand over my knowledge over to him. Meaning that not only will he be 'lost' when he gets posted in, many things will be left unsettled. Also, my superiors will only allow me to go for my CTC and SOAC (advance courses) if I extend. At times I feel obliged to extend. Anyway, the pay is rather good. I doubt I'll be able to find another job that offers as much given my current qualifications.

Number two, should I pursue Psychology. Its my interest. However, there are sayings that it gets really tough and dry after a while. I hope it will still appeal to me. I'm not sure if theres anyhting else that I would want to pursue. I know there are other areas which I can excel in, but the interests is just lacking. I'm also unsure if I can do further studies and get a masters. I do find being a Psychologist rather meaningful, but I am also aware that job prospects in Singapore are really limited.

I've been praying and asking for affirmation from God. I'm reminded that Jesus is the light of the world. He will be my guide. I pray that I will have the courage give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thes 5:18).

Revival.

It's been a million years since I last blogged. My life has taken a U-turn. Many things have changed, for the better it seems. Well, I've decided to start blogging again as its one avenue for me to straighten out my thoughts and let off some steam.

I'm single now. Its been a real rollercoaster ride, but I'm starting to settle down. I believe that God has a plan for me and that maybe he has someone better out there for me. Initially it was difficult adjusting to being single. I felt lonely very often. There wasn't a buddy there for me to call and chat with every night. There was no longer a buddy to go out with me every weekend. My hands tend to itch to dial her numbers every time I'm free. After sometime, it started to set in and I took it more optimistically. I'm doing pretty much fine now. Keeping my options open. I guess I'm not as idealistic when it comes to relationships any longer. In fact I think I'm more pessimistic now. Well, maybe its just me being more careful. I'm keeping my eyes open and praying for someone to come along. Perhaps a potential life partner.

Anyway, the last time I blogged, I was an Officer Cadet. Now, I'm an 'OCCIFER'! My posting completely shocked me. But I'm not going to discuss about it here due to security reasons. My workload has definitely increased many folds. I've had some really down times. Its been a tough 3 months so far. But I'm learning to adjust. I'm someone who adapts slowly but surely. Having men under my command has really changed things altogether. I've to really watch the things I say. People do take everything I say seriously, and they lose trust in me when that things I say do not materialise. Its tough but its fulfilling. I'm happy being where I am.

I've decided that I will stay in FASS. I've been praying about it. I've been wondering if its really where I should go. I've been asking God if its really the best place for me. But recently, it seems that God has pointed me in the direction of Psychology. He does it through really subtle means that I find hard to describe. But nevertheless, I will continue praying about it and meditating over it. I want to be a psychologist. Reading the books 'Outliers' and 'Tipping Point' by Malcomm Gladwell has really raised my interest in the subject. I think my personality kind of fits the picture too.



Anyway, I've just came back from the Pulse Retreat at People's Association Holiday Flats. It was from the 12 to the 14 of March. The theme of the retreat was really about knowing ourselves better. It was about discovering out Values, interest, personality and skills. We got a chance to visit River Life Church's Youth service. They call the youths MEGALIFERS. Like the name suggests, they were hyper in character and attitude. What struck me the most was that everything about their service was done in a really excellent way. Excellent meaning that in whatever ministry they were in, they invested heavily in it and did it to the best of their abilities.

When it came to Mission Trips, they didn't just have one or two per year, they had like 10. Their Stewards were just standing at the door giving out fliers and passing round the offering bags. They were stage crews. They each had a walkie talkie. They wore a common orange polo T-shirt. They reminded people to not use their handphones when they spotted them using it. They coordinated the whole service. When it came to worship, the band was really cohesive. They complemented one another and really created an engaging atmosphere of worship.

The key take away was not that their youths were more enthusiatic than ours but really that in everything they did, they did it with excellence for God. They were serious about everything. It wasn't done for the sake of doing but to please God. Now if only we could take the same attitude and apply it to the Pulse Minstery, what change could we make?

Pulse is now 7 years from now. There is no doubt that we've grown considerably since the start of the ministry. We've developed systems, groomed leaders. Started numerous cell groups. It is all good. But it could be better. Better for God. What we could do is to really sit down, pray and meditate, and really look deeper into developing each ministry. Its time to be serious and think about how we can grow and serve with excellence.

Imagine PULSE 7 years from now. What is it like? Will there be a revival. I'm praying for one. I'm praying that 7 years from now, our church population will grow 10 folds or even more. Just like the in the book of ACTS. We cannot start a revival, but God can. If He does, how can we prepare ourselves for that revival? We need a bigger church. Hence, we need to invest time into raising funds for the Church building. We need more leaders. Hence, we need to continue grooming leaders. At the same time, leaders have to be role models and lead from the front. We need prayer. We need people who encourage others to pray. We need people who pray. Prayer should become a lifestyle in the church.

Dream big. Have faith in God. Do things with excellence for God. Be prepared for a revival.

I'm looking out the window

Today is one of those days where everything seems meaningless.
What ever I do, it doesnt seem to contribute to anything.
Its a feeling of lost and hopelessness.

I guess its all in the mind, but its definitely not easy.
Theres just so much on my mind right now that its really overwhelming.

I'll be going to Taiwan soon. Its going to be a pretty rough time.
Negativity has really taken a toll on me.
Its about time I start remembering the grace of God.
Without him, I wouldnt even have made it this far.

I'm longing for your return.
As well as my return after Taiwan.

Its only of those days where I need someone to cheer me up.

Bon Voyage

Today is finally the day that you're leaving.

I'll be eagerly waiting for the 29th of October.

Till we meet again.

I ought to be sleeping now but I really can't.

Theres a sense of emptiness.

I guess its a hole that only God can fill.

All I want to say is how much I miss you and will miss you.

I'll find strength to thank God in the toughest of time.

I'm glad we can still communicate over the oceans.

Can't wait to receive the first call!

P.s. I love the jelly beans :)

Yesterday, I surprised you pretending that I had to book in.

It was the biggest reaction I've seen from a surprise.

I'm really really happy that I got to spend the time with you.

The few extra hours I will really treasure so much.

I can't wait to hangout with you again!

Have fun in China alright?

Take lots of photos so you can share them with me.

You'll be my eyes in China.

No matter what happens, remember God is always watching over you.

He is there in China too!

:)

19th

I'm turning 19 in one week exactly! I've yet to get my driving licence. But congrats to Mel who got it on Thursday! :)

We just had a celebration together with her family at a cafe at Simon road. It was a simple dinner at a cosy place. We had a cake with two candles! For those who don't know, her birthday is just 1 week after mine.

Anyway, I'll be in camp doing guard duty on my birthday, not exactly the best way to spend it but I still thank God nevertheless. As for my wish list, a black bar on my chest on the 19th of December! And for Mel to come back in one piece.




Bbbut

HI BLOG

Its been like a million years since I last posted anything. Its not because I've been lazy and refuse to post but, I've been in OCS. Theres like restrictions on what I can reveal and what I cannot.

Basically, theses few months have been lots of ups and downs. Mostly downs though. Life here is tough and theres no doubt about it. We're so used to getting scolded that we are now numbed by it. We start laughing when we get scolded. And then we get scolded even more.

Theres a million timings to meet, many are really short. Like they said, we're always waiting to rush and rushing to wait. Its so true.

Well, I'm quite happy where I am, I just wish I had more time to spend with my love ones. I'm not looking forward to the September and October. My close friends will know why. I really can't wait for these months to pass by. Then, I'll be eagerly looking forward to my commissioning.

I miss serving in the worship ministry. I really feel more distant from God even though He is always there. I'm making the effort to really thank Him as I go along with my days for blessing me despite my troubles. But sometimes its really difficult.

Anyway, I've got a spot in NUS FASS and USP. Looking forward to my ORD. I'm thinking of what I'll be doing for the 8 free months that I'll have. I want to learn some new skills. Well, till then.